WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
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