If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
