Your dad touched me again.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
