The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
