Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
