new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
It was a blind-side dick pic.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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