I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
