Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I love you. Go after that dick
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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