Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
