Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
