I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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