I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I can't put those talents on a resume
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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