you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
