Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
