I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
