Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
