just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
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