The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Just invented taco cereal.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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