If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
