I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
