I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
