so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
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