im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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