whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
