My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
