Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
