..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
The struggles of a small town man whore
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
