I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Randomize
