A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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