yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
