I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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