she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
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