sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
