They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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