She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Randomize
