i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
