i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
