'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
