The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
