we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
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