I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
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