Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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