So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
