thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
