i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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