I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Randomize
