Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
i dont even know how to be here
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
