she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
