you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
