he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
