Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
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